the boy

i am seriously in love with the boy.

tonight, i was putting roo to bed and i kissed him on the cheek and then looked at him. then kissed him on the lips. then on the cheek. then held his little face in my hands as he smiled his beautiful face at me. i couldn't leave the bedroom. i didn't want to, i just wanted to keep kissing him and cuddling him.

then i said a little prayer that he would stay my baby forever.

to my dads.

there are four dads in my life.

i was raised by one here on earth. i have a father in heaven. my husband's dad became mine, the day tim and i were married. and, on the thirty first of may this year, timmy became a dad - the father of my own child and any that may be ours in time to come.

all of these men have impacted my life for incredible amounts of good.

tonight i write about two of them. 

i was raised in a house full of love. my mum is kind and gentle, creative and beautiful. my dad is strong and generous, soft and passionate. 

my dad especially loves cuddles. i have known of my power over this tough man my whole life and that power lies within a single hug. 

he is a big sucker for affection. my dad is a genius. he can do any maths equation in his head within seconds. he loves sport. he lives the gospel and gives himself wholly to the God he loves. he cherishes my mum and is completely in love with her. he loves bush poetry - i could listen to him read 'the man from iron bark' all day. he laughs loud and often. he uses hankies instead of tissues. his favourite meal is my mum's steak and kidney pie. he doesn't like my hair when i colour it. he loves babies. he is a wonderful poppy to his eleven grandchildren - he makes every one of them smile and laugh. he loves roo (or "joey" as dad calls him, 'cos "he's only a little roo") and wants to hold him every chance he gets. he is my dad and my heart swells with the love i have for him. 

timmy is now raising roo in a house full of love. tim makes everyone happy. he is understanding and slow to judge. he is giving and considerate. he is passionate. he loves hard and full of emotion. he is the most talented person i know. he is wise and kind. he is an artist, a musician. he loves to make people laugh. he loves to be silly. he feels deeply. he has a big sweet tooth. he explodes with love when he looks at roo. he loves our Saviour. he gives of himself freely and openly. he is the most honest person i have ever met. he is brave. he loves pineapple lumps. he loves hip hop. he is a loyal friend. he is the best birth partner in the world! and, i can't even believe that he is mine and i am his - that we have roo. he loves me so much and i love him more and more, a lump forms in my throat as i try to explain that love.

he is the best dad. roo looks at him with so much love. he knows the safety of his dads arms. roo is full of happiness when he is with him.

thank you, dads. i love you.

by the way... how amazing are the paralympics!!??

back to the beach

since roo was born, we haven't been walking on the beach very much.

today, timmy and i both needed to get out of the house to save our sanity. so, we walked the footpath we know so well and followed it back to the beach.

with a baby on my chest and timmy's hand in mine, we had that beautiful beach to ourselves.

we used to take this walk everyday. starting tomorrow, we're doing it all again.

music by shogu tokumaru, rum hee. get it on iTunes here.

our first sleepless night

last night we had the worst sleep ever. roo, from birth, has only ever woken up three times at the most. usually, he only wakes up twice for a feed and goes back to sleep straightaway. last night was different. we went to bed around 10:30. roo woke up at 11 for a feed. then he woke up at 1, then 3, then 4:30 and again at 5. from 5 we got to sleep til 8, which was lovely.

luckily, in those feeds he wasn't too upset and flashed a few smiles my way in the wee hours. it's hard to be cranky about no sleep when you've got a face like that giving you big smiles and chats.

to reward us for his bad night, he did sleep one whole hour in his own bed this morning, which is a big deal over here.

i'll leave you with these cute photos for today. who doesn't love a fat baby face in a cute hat.

the hats and booties are made by beautiful nell. check more out here.

p.s. roo isn't this fat in real life. photos make his cheeks extra chubby :)

roo's blessing

sunday was a special day. 

in our church when a baby is born, the family gathers on a sunday at church to witness the baby's father and other men who are important in the family's life, give the baby a name and a blessing.

roo had a good morning. we dressed early for church in our best clothes and made the half hour journey south to our chapel. family and friends travelled from sydney and the central coast to be there to share this special day with us.

once we got to church, roo was not so happy but was quickly soothed with a feed and some cuddles. he was sleeping when i passed him to timmy, who took him in front of the congregation with the other men. they stood together in a circle, each with a hand supporting roo.

timmy spoke beautiful words that we will cherish forever.

roo's name, roo joe coulson, has significant meaning to both tim and i. roo's middle name, joe, is in remembrance and honour of one of tim's best friends, who left this life to the next a few years ago. timmy talks of joe with so much love. he was the happiest person that tim has known and his life is forever changed for good because he knew joe.

after church, our friends and family gathered at our house to celebrate our little roo and the special day that it was. we ate pulled pork and coleslaw. the thought of and even saying the words 'pulled pork' makes me feel sick. i think that four meals of pulled pork in a row is enough to last me for the next year.

thank you to our dear friend annette for taking these photos.

roo wore vans, chinos and a vintage jumper. what a hipster.

a farewell to pa and a trip to the aquarium

my timmy is so wonderful.

wednesday was my birthday. i turned 25. this birthday was set to be different from ones past.

last thursday the 19^th of july, my beautiful pa (dad’s dad) passed from this life into the next. my nan and one of his daughters were by his side. he had lived a long full life. married for 62 years and in love to the last minute. my pa had severe dementia for the last 8 years of his life. in the last few years, the only person he recognized without doubt was my nan. it would appear that he was completely lost – vacant and then he would see nan and kiss her and call for her. my nan and pa have 62 family members as a result of their 62 years of marriage. love survives all.

his funeral was held on my birthday the 25^th of july. the church was full of those who knew and loved him. my dad gave a beautiful eulogy, smiling through tear filled eyes as he spoke of his strong, loving father who, like many of his time, worked two jobs to provide for his family but was still found at every single sporting event of his seven children, cheering them on.

the service was special and the day was beautiful.

i miss my pa. 

timmy knew that my birthday would have a different feeling to a normal birthday and so he made sure that the day was still special for me. roo started off the special day by only waking once in the night and waking up at 8am! while I was still sleeping timmy went to our favourite bakery and came home surprising me with a breakfast of chocolate macarons, chocolate and raspberry tart, chocolate truffles, a massive lamington and the biggest chocolate meringue you have ever seen (beef bourguignon pies were being kept warn in the oven as well). after feeding roo while munching on delicious chocolate treats in bed, I came out to find a smorgasbord of magazines and a beautiful birthday message on our chalkboard wall.

my family brought presents and beautiful cards from the littles. i was spoilt.

yesterday we went into the city. first stop was the mca (museum of contemporary art) my favourite gallery. we saw some aboriginal woven hutches for babies, to protect them from the elements, amazing drawings, prints and installations. roo loved the bright coloured works on the wall – I have a feeling this boy will grow loving that place. next stop was some incredible sushi in darling harbour. we ate ourselves through $65 worth of $3.50 plates (do the maths and that’s a lot of sushi for two). then to the guylian café for a chocolate praline mousse gold thing that was delicious but completely over-priced. then ummed and ahhed our way to the aquarium, which also seemed over-priced but ended up being completely worth it. amazing to stare at all those incredibly diverse beautiful creatures and marvel at their creation. next stop a bit of maccas and a feed for the roo.  then on home we went (via a shop to pick up his and hers vans).  

i must admit doing all those things with a baby wasn’t the easiest thing ive ever done but it sure wasn’t too hard either. roo smiled his way through the day only really losing it when the over-tiredness hit at the start of the aquarium and then again at maccas but, both times he was quickly soothed once he was in our arms and all was well again.

timmy made both my real birthday and the day after, ones i will cherish for the rest of forever. i just want to be with him. when i am, i’m the happiest. it’s as simple as that.

timmy and roo – the best boys in the whole world. my heart is full.

thank you timmy for making me so happy, everyday. every single day.

he is the flippin' cutest baby ever! he's killin' me!

A little kanga-Roo

i wrote this at about week four of little roo being with us... and i'm glad i did. reading over it makes me smile.

roo joe coulson was born at 4.55 on the morning of the 31st of may 2012. he was eight pounds ten ounces of baby goodness.

i don't want to forget the last few weeks. they have been special - i have had the highest highs and some of the lowest lows. i really feel as though the times in your life that you are pushed to the extremes are the times when you are closest to god.

these are some things i don't want to forget about this tiny roo. things i know will change far too soon.

his big feet not fitting in any of his clothes

his beautiful raspberry pursed lips while sleeping

his strong neck as he searched his dads face minutes after birth

his big chubby cheeks that i can't seem to ever get enough kisses on

the floppy, sleepy, milk-drunk roo

the beautiful "oo's" and "ah's" he makes when all is right in his world

long fingers and arms stretching when he is freed from his tight cocoon wrap

those first sleepy smiles and then the first big cheesy ones at daddy

the 6am chatter. his happiest time of day

putting on weight instead of losing it out of hospital!

the frantic head-shaking search for milk

three hour long naps together in the afternoon

cuddling as his eyes grow heavy and sleepy

our little roo is beautiful. the first couple of weeks of his life are a bit of a haze to me already. we spent a lot of time up at my parents place in sydney. i am the only one of six siblings who doesn't live within 15 minutes of everyone else. timmy and i really felt the isolation from family in the first few days post birth so we travelled to be near them. roo spent most of this time feeding and sleeping. being cuddled by aunties, uncles and cousins. my little beautiful roo. so very loved already.

i have written most of the birth story and the rest will come. when it does, i'll share it with you.